Friday 26th June 2020 00:25
OK, well, first off: a huge thank you to my friend Melissa Wiley, who is running 2-hour work sessions for her Patreon folk at the moment. Lissa is in Portland, Oregon, on the west coast of the US, so her mid-afternoon sessions are very late night for me, but I’ve been hoping to join one for a while, and today presented the perfect opportunity.
It’s been the hottest day here in the UK. Mid 30’s. Far too hot for me to do anything but hide away indoors and wait for the (slightly) cooler evening. And that, it turns out, has signalled a bit of a turning point.
Now I have to admit here that this turning point has been very slightly fuelled by alcohol. Only a couple of small glasses of wine, but nowadays I’m not drinking at all, quite simply because I can’t afford to. Truly. Food or wine, and – now I know this might not be everyone’s choice 😄 – food has to win. Because funds are very, very low. But! I had a birthday last week, and dear friends gave me wine, so this evening I have enjoyed a couple of glasses, sat outside in the slightly cooler air, with music playing in my ear… and life, for the first time in many weeks, didn’t feel bad.
And for the first time in many weeks I found I didn’t want to write about the crisis we’re all in. I didn’t even want to think about it; at all. Wine and music were breaking through the dense fog and lifting it; and the setting sun, the jungle that is my garden at the moment, the swifts swooping and soaring in the sky – all of them worked to lift my mood. It was like a door being thrown open that I didn’t even know was there and for that moment the world felt like it used to.
I think for a moment I contemplated changing my decision to opt for food over wine, but I recognised the truth that I wouldn’t be getting any work done if I did that. And this, suddenly, was about getting some work done.
I’ve been ‘indoors’ for over 100 days. And in all that time I’ve really been unable to do anything. It’s as if I’ve been asleep for 100 days, it really is. 100 days might as well be 1 day; or 1,000. I don’t know if I can move on from that, but this evening – music and wine and this very important late late work session in the company of other writers – this feels good. This feels like tomorrow has arrived. This feels like watching the sunrise on a beautiful new day.