Wading Through Treacle With Concrete Wellies On

Wednesday 29 January 2020 21:40

The pressure I’ve put on myself this month is beginning to get to me. I’m researching, and brainstorming, and writing, from before dawn until late at night; and getting nowhere.

I’m writing it’s true, but I’ve no energy or concentration left to do any drawing, and that’s beginning to feel counterproductive.

The novel that for a few years has been whispering in my ear to be written, seems to have got hold of a megaphone now; but it’s a story that I’m reluctant to write. Where it’s leading is fascinating, but it’s a story that’s based in the future, and I can’t see a way to avoid it being all darkness.

Bizarrely, so much of the research I’m doing with regard to generating income online keeps pointing me into the frightening future we’re hurtling towards, and I’m in need of some sunshine right now.

The isolation is getting to me too, though I know it’s the only way I can do this; but it’s increasingly lonely. The solution is far from simple (although a lottery win might go some way towards it 😀 ). What I need is people who are in the same boat, to pool ideas and resources. No-one can understand how frightening this is…

I type that, and tears well up. Bad day.

One positive thing I did, today, was write to the people with the beautiful space nearby that would be perfect for a ‘real life’ creative circle. It’s a long shot that they’ll be interested, but it would give me a huge lift if that dream could be made a reality. It’s not an income generator so doesn’t count as progress in that sense, but it would be nice to feel I’d got something positive happening creatively.

On Friday evening I’ll do a round up of how the first three weeks have gone – what I’ve really achieved, if anything. Then Saturday starts a fresh week and Month 2. I need it to bring some fresh energy with it, and I need to set some proper goals.

Now it’s only 9.30pm, but I’m pooped. There’s a hot water bottle warming the bed, and Jessie’s curled up on the pillow, so I think I’ll call it quits for today and hope to be greeted by some inspiration and a lighter spirit in the morning.

Sorry. I did promise to be honest and report on the bad days. I’m still hoping they’ll be few.

2 thoughts on “Wading Through Treacle With Concrete Wellies On”

  1. Recognizable alas dear Judy , the creative path can feel lonely sometimes . Body and mind indicates that you are ready for fresh air and company , just allowing yourself to go for a walk and a cup of tea with cake and you will feel refueled . Don’t be too strict for yourself , just keep on going and ‘it’ will come . Did you read the book ‘Big Magic.Creative living beyond fear’ – Elizabeth Gilbert ?

    1. Thank you dear Debora. Yes, I know that you know the same feelings. This morning I am drawing – doodling – and being kinder to myself. Also understanding more that sometimes we need to ask the questions in order to find out exactly what’s wrong.

      I don’t know that book (I just quickly checked my shelves to make sure I didn’t buy it a long time ago and forget; this happens!). I will see if the library has it. I think also I need a dip into The Artists Way, and I already this morning pulled out Michael’s Drawing Your Life, to read later with my cuppa.

      So much help is out there, I need to remember that. 🙂

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